3 weeks in a row!

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Damn, this is really cool that i’m starting to make it a habit of writing on my blog consistently. To not overwhelm myself I decided to just write here on Mondays. I’ve always liked the idea of writing in a blog. It’s nostalgic. It’s cool to come to a place to get a certain message. It feels more at home than just consuming shit on social media. I recently listened to a podcast of a guy who wrote a newsletter every day but especially on Friday he would write a blog that was from “God”. To be honest i’m a little lazy on looking up the name and I don’t feel like it lol. But he consistently wrote this letter and it garnered organic traction overtime and his life completely turned around after he started making it a point to send out the spiritual newsletters. It helped remind myself to continue with my newsletters and my blogs and it’s really a good time to do some journaling. i’m sure I mentioned in the last blog post that I wanted to start using this as a journal. as a xanga. as a myspace page. I would love that. the old time of sitting on your laptop and engaging with shit that had meaning. not mindlessly scrolling. doom scrolling or whatever you want to call it.

Well, I don’t really have much to say today other than i’m showing up to write this. i’m here. i’m being as present as I can be. i’m being as thoughtful as I can be. lets talk about that actually. being present.

what does it mean to you? to me it means taking the time to smell the flowers. cliche asf I know. to take your time typing. to breathe. well, lets speak on breathing real quick.

I developed a serious bout of anxiety maybe 3 years after college. I think I was always pretty anxious but, I had things to distract me. I lived in a bubble. I was going to school, playing football, had things taken care of for me. then the real world hit and I started smoking and doing psychedelics and really thinking about the consequences of my actions. It turned into this big stew of anxiety and over the years I think I started hyperventilating unconsciously which in my own self diagnosing way, I developed this condition called costocondritis (which now that I think back on was a blessing in disguise) I think that’s how it spelled? spell check didn’t help me out on that one. but it’s basically an inflammation of the chest and the ribcage area. it feels like you’re having a heart attack. that never made sense to me because i’m a healthy dude I work out all the time and even tho I did love to party at the time. I knew people who went way harder than I did. I knew of people who had real life addictions and they weren’t going through that. but I do know I was addicted to being anxious. tons of anxious thoughts.

but let me get back to breathing. being present is also being present with your breath. being present with yourself. being present with all of the thoughts that you may have. because you can really internally try, to run away from thoughts. which in result can cause you to hyperventilate. which is such a wild concept. we aint got shit to worry about now days so we create stuff or we worry about things that aren’t really that big of a deal or we make excuses on why it is a big deal and mask it with other things. like alcohol, drugs, women, sex and a bunch of other shit that doesn’t allow us to move through it.

present. be present. read every single word carefully. breathe into your stomach. feel all the sensations in your body. it’s okay to. you’re not going anywhere fast. you’re going everywhere slow af.

this was fun to write. I kinda had a stream of consciousness and that’s what I want this to be. a stream. not particularly formal or correct but something for people to just soak up and try to implement into their lives. I love you so much. I love myself. slowwww….downn….

-induhgo